I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
