He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
