If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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