For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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