We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
