Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
