That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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