i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize