shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
