we're chasing vodka with high fives
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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