a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
