we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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