I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
