So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
