Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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