i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
