did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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