saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't deserve a penis
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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