I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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