Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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