So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize