You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
