So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You're a waste of cheezeits
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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