thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
