alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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