Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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