He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
