Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
