Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
