the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
