I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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