I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
