I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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