well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
try to milk me bitch
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