Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
