I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
