Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
