I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
