I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i out mim tonsoeep
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