I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
