so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
