More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize