i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
