k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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