I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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