I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize