We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
