Plan B is the new Plan A
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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