I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
