as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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