walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
40s are totally the cure
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
