I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
