It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
