oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
