she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
