yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
