This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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