her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
