Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
