Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize