am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
