That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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