Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
