You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
