My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
