I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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