Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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