It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
