i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
