i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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