Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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