I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
