You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
