I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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