toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
