This is not my ceiling
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
